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panorama series - Klaus LUCKA von ZELBERSCHWECHT photographer

Melissa

Melissa, Bronx NY, born in the Dominican Republic, living with her boyfriend and his mother, son David, age 6

Could have - Should have - Would have

transcribed from recording:

I always run away but always come back and I don't know why, I just do.

Maybe it's fear, but it shouldn't be fear

Before this relationship there was just me and I ruled everything in my life.

I should be a star. Singing dancing and acting all day all night all the time and I love it.

And I would have no man - Yes. Ya, That's what I would be doing, I could change it any time but I'm so stupid that way, I would date who ever I would want to date. All those opportunities that came by, it would have been great.

Maybe I would be more free if I wouldn't be so brainwashed

He was my first sexual experience, He was my prettiest boyfriend. It's been 6-7 years - too long just to long. As a result of having a child I couldn't do what I really would like to do, I wasn't prepared, even though I'm grateful.

My son David is my best friend he is everything to me, he is my heartbeat. I wouldn't trade him for anything. It sort off put me back with my own goals. I want my son to have stability, that's what my mom, thought me.

Ideally I wouldn't be in a relationship, I would be totally on my own, I would be dancing all the time, I would do what ever I wanted to do. I would wear what ever I wanted to wear. I'd be free - I love the thought of being free. And than maybe I wouldn't be so self conscious. When I'm dancing I'm not self conscious at all.

Every time a have a passionate thought, a strong thought, I write it down, its like a song and when you go back to it it's like wow - a bad song.

I have to hide them all the time, I'm so afraid that someone is going through my things

There is a very possessive part of me

I'm sexual everything - 24/7 - but I have to curtail them.

Yeah, Could have - Should have - Would have

Copyright 2005 Klaus Lucka von Zelberschwecht

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